Writer, @ColbertLateShow; Comics (THE DOORMAN from @HeavyMetalInk #1-3 out now); Co-Author of Humor Book HOW TO WIN AT EVERYTHING; Actual Swamp Monster
Dear Mr. Leto: Please Stop Visiting Our Children’s Hospital Dressed As The Joker
From: Molly Bohmer
East Suburban Children’s Hospital
Dear Mr. Leto,
I am not familiar with your work. I understand that you are an actor of some note, and may have even won an Academy Award (congratulations). Under normal circumstances we would be delighted to have your involvement in promoting or fundraising for our pediatric medical facility. But I write to you today to ask that you, please, from the bottom of my heart, stop visiting our children’s hospital dressed as the Joker.
It is beyond inappropriate.
During your first visit, there was a great deal of confusion about who you were, and why you were here, dressed as what was described to me over the phone as “some kind of European monster.” It was not until a younger orderly recognized you from the commercials that word spread that a movie star was visiting us, and in character as his comic book alter-ego no less.
However, in these circumstances, the event is usually requested by the families and planned well in advance with the help of the celebrity’s publicity team and a third-party charity organization. You simply double-parked in our ambulance zone in what appeared to be a car covered in imitation (?) diamonds, flung your arms wide, and declared yourself to be “Gotham’s reckoning.” If you recall, you then kicked open the door where nine-year-old Sarah Matthews was recuperating from a common inguinal hernia repair, shouted “Where’s the birthday girl?!” and produced a live tarantula that you allowed to crawl freely on your face.
This was just the first visit.